Do you notice how up set you get when thing so not go the way you want? I had more than a few moments like that today!!!
We all have our moments … However I notice kids often just go with the flow. Especially when they are younger. They really do not have control over what they do… Mom and Dad plan most of that! The bottom line is we all really do not have control. We act and think like we do. We sure plan and organize like we do. The reality is we only have influence over a very small part of our world….So why do we get so up sent when our plans do not unfold like we want them to? It is because we really thinkwe can control our world… and when the world lets us know it does not work that way we do not like it. Tantrum time! ever pulled one of those?
We could lean a few lessons from our little ones… They live in the present moment… often do not sweat what happened in the past and often do not plan much in the future… The only thing the really are focused on is now. So next time life lets you know you are not the master…… just like a kid, go with the flow…. become one with the flow of life swim with the current and stop fighting. against it. You may be surprised how much energy you save for the more important things in life… those things and people that are dear to you…..
Michael Potter MS LMFT owner of Incredible Life Journey: creating a safe place for kids to find out how amazing they are! www.IncredibleLifeJourney.com
Well another pearl from our kids… do you notice how kids are very present in the moment. Sometimes we grown ups say they are ignoring us, not paying attention when in fact they are paying very close attention…. it is just not on what we had in mind for them to be paying attention to!
In therapy we us a term call a “reframe”. Lets look at the same situation from a different perspective.
When a kid is really into what they are doing nothing else exists. Often my home ends up being a hang out for many of the kids in the neighborhood. One afternoon I was sitting with one of my neighbors kids at my home we were watching Sponge Bob Square Pants… We would only talk during the commercials. When Sponge Bob came back our focus was totally on Sponge Bob. They liked me being there and sharing in their experience. I was just being with them allowing them to enjoy their cartoon. I actually began to enjoy it too! As I let myself be completely present in that moment…
A little later they wanted to know about “Boshi sticks” foam swords that I make with pool noodles, PVC pipe and duct tape. There are rules we follow and it can be quite fun. Guess what the center of the universe was at that moment? Our dual with Boshi sticks. We had a great time dueling with one another… focused, present totally in the moment and nothing else matted. Just the two of us connecting with one another!
We were not ignoring one another we were being present with one another in two different activities… One active one more quiet or passive. But we were doing it together!
So what can we learn from our kids? Be focused stay on one task or process for a set time… Give yourself permission to be present in that activity and be 1110% doing that one thing and only that one thing. You may be surprised how productive you are and how much you enjoy being present in the moment and best of all how your relationships will grow.
If you want to learn how to make Boshi sticks shoot me an email I can send you directions!
Michael Potter MS LMFT owner of Incredible Life Journey: creating a safe place for kids to find out how amazing they are! www.IncredibleLifeJourney.com
I was over at a friends home the other day. My friend was working so I was just hanging out with their kid. We got to talking about stuff as usually happens with me and kids. She managed to get a hold of my cell phone and low and behold, she was shooting a video of me. I do not even know how to do that.
Michael is interviewed by 9 year old "Barbara Walters"
Next thing I know I am the center of a documentary of: “Hey Michael, Tell us a story about when you were kid.” I found myself telling her about some of the wild adventures I had as a kid. She asked questions like Barbara Walters would interviewing a celebrity, except this time the celebrity was me and Barbara Walters was 9! I just kept talking sharing story after story. Then I heard cut! We watched the video and it was pretty good! Especially for a spur of the moment interview…
What got me thinking is I really enjoyed it, It was fun to recount some of my adventures especially for someone who liked hearing them. I felt compelled to keep going. I could see the sparkle in her eyes as the stories unfolded…
It all goes back to “Just Do It!” I have been wanting to make a video about my life skills course so people could connect with me
… It took a 9 year old to get me to let go and just do it. It wasn’t about my course but it was about me connecting with someone via video… What was so cool about it was it just happened, no planning or script, no set or lighting, just my 9 year old Barbara Walters with a very simple phone and me. Imagine what I could do with a real video camera…I have been inspired by a 9 year old kid, to make my videos! Be looking for them… they will be coming soon!
What could we grown ups learn from our little friends? All we have to do is be open, to take the time to listen and watch. Have you ever been inspired or learned something from one of the little people in your life? What was it…. How did you feel?
Michael Potter MS LMFT owner of Incredible Life Journey: creating a safe place for kids to find out how amazing they are! www.IncredibleLifeJourney.com
Many time in my private practice a parent come in says my child is a liar… I get the story that out of the blue their child has begun to tell lies. I tell them it is time to break out the champagne and celebrate! What? you ask…. Are you nuts!! Sometimes I am, but not on this one. (it really depends on the kid)
When a child begins to lye it is because they are testing out a theory… Can you know what they are thinking? Is their mind their own or does everyone know what is in it. Kids truly think their minds can be read much like a book.
How does a child test this theory? They tell you something they know is not true. Plain and simple, then they wait for your response. Can you tell if they are telling a lie or not? If you don’t then…. OMG! It hits them you do not know what is going on in their mind! Wow !
Now most of us parents are gifted with intuition… and can tell something is off with our kids and call them on it. This stumps them and they wonder how we know that. The process of testing begins again. This goes on until they get it! In time they realize that their mind is their own. No one will know unless they choose to share what is inside.
This is a huge developmental step for a child to discover and master. Now with this new discovery comes responsibility. So I celebrate the discovery and impress the responsibility of this very special gift. It is important to have a conversation with your child about being truthful… “if you fail to be truthful eventually your reputation of not telling the truth outweighs all other experiences of those around you” and the logical consequence can be devastating. Let your kids learn the consequences of lying with small lessons vs big ones where the consequences can be life changing.
Do you remember when you consciously chose to test if your mind was your own? How was that for you?… I’ll bet you still remember! Did you ever come clean about it?
Michael Potter MS LMFT owner of Incredible Life Journey: creating a safe place for kids to find out how amazing they are! www.IncredibleLifeJourney.com
Posted in Parenting, Teens
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Who makes up the rules about what is important for us to learn? You go to school and learn how to read, write, do math, history, social studies and what ever they can tell us to learn. However… if the kids got to pick what to learn what do you think they would choose?
Last Friday I had three amazing kids out on an adventure climbing all over sandstone out cropping with wind caves and beautiful Oak trees woven in between creating a beautiful canopy all around the rocks…. The kids found blue belly lizards. They also discovered where to look and how to move as to improve their chances of catching one. Later we found what appeared to be a baby screech owl…. We knew it was a predator by the hooked beak… it even hissed at us if we got too close… We decided to just leave it, as it probably knew better than us what it needed to do! Next we were off to look for tarantulas however we didn’t see any. It is a little early to see them easily because the boys aren’t out looking for the girls. That will happen in September….. Just about the time for another adventure…
So do you think the kids gave a thought that they were learning biology, geology, biodiversity, habitat and weather? No they were just soaking it all up as it unfolded before them. Living the experience of Just doing it! Just being in the moment! Do you think they will remember what we did that day? You bet! Do they remember what they did 25 days before school got out last year? Hmmm.
What if schools were more like exploring rock city? What would you want it to look like? I have my own ideas, I would love to hear yours.
Michael Potter MS LMFT owner of Incredible Life Journey: creating a safe place for kids to find out how amazing they are! www.IncredibleLifeJourney.com
Just Do It….
I love kids their open go for it attitude, care free, not worried about much except what is next…. and how much they are enjoying the present moment.
I grew up in Concord when it was a farm town… Orchards every where. One of our favorite pastimes was to climb from one almond tree to the next by following the branches until they overlapped with the next tree. We would just climb across like we were walking on the side walk Not to mind that we were 30 feet up with out any safety net… We just did it. Sometimes we would cross between 5 or 6 trees. I was cool to cover that much distance with out touching the ground.
It was magical! The feeling of accomplishment was amazing! It got us fired up for the next adventure!
We grownups often lose that “live in the present moment” and the “what is next attitude”…
We get caught up in what others think, what we are supposed to do and how we are supposed to do it. The should this or should that! We forget how to just be true to who we are and really be present in the moment, here and now! It is really the only moment we have control over… this very second!
It is good to get in touch with that side of yourself….
What are some of your “Just Do It” childhood stories… Did any one else climb trees like we did? When was the last time you “Just did it? “
Michael Potter MS LMFT owner of Incredible Life Journey: creating a safe place for kids to find out how amazing they are! www.IncredibleLifeJourney.com
Are you celebrating your teens mono sylablic responses? Your teen is doing what they did when they started to walk many years ago however now they are working on a new skill set. This one I call: ”Expressing your Independent Thinking”. Sounds fun, right? You will have many more skill sets to celebrate with your teen. Some will be really exciting and some you may dread! It is all part of the blessing you receive as being a parent! I know you can remember when you had the opportunity to express your Independent thinking! You were not very good at it! In fact you sucked, so did I but did that stop us? NO! We kept trying over and over and eventually we mastered it! Hopefully your parents survived it. I know mine did, even though the grey started to show more.
I can smooth this transition from child to teen for you and your teen through my Incredible Life Journey life skills course.
Posted in Parenting, Teens
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My last post we discussed the strange being in your teen’s body. They are acting unlike you have ever witnessed before…. rude responses, mono-syllabic responses or nothing at all! I know you can list more! First of all it really is normal! Do you remember when your child attempted to walk the first time and began to take their first step? What were you doing when this was happening? I would bet you were sitting on the edge of your seat, camera ready, cheering them on like it was for the Gold medal in the Olympics!! Right? Your child was being driven from within to master an new skill. We call it biped motion or walking up right. It is a very complex process and involves many systems in the body. It takes time to master, with many do overs and failing. Eventually walking is mastered now we move on to running…. the whole cycle starts over again! Your teen is doing the same thing, it is just a different skill set!!!
Do you remember a time or moment when your parents were cheering you on? Even when you were struggling or failed?
Posted in Parenting, Teens
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Did you notice when your darling little child suddenly seemed to change…. like “Invasion of The Body Snachers”. The outside looks the same but that person inside is not my child…. sound familar? All of us who are parents have experienced this or will exoerience it. To start it is normal. What you say normal! What the heck !!! They won’t listen to me, they ignore me, they even argue with me over the samllest little things and then it evolves in to uttering mono sylablic noises.
DRAMA is a whole new expereince in our home now. It is not just limited to movie catigoreis we select from on Netflix. We could have our own reality show:“The Life and Times of “________ Family: See parents go crazy right befor your eyes….”
Sound familar? What have your experiences been?
Posted in Parenting, Teens
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My mother taught me how to be a grown-up… and I thought I sucked at it. It wasn’t until graduate school where we had to take the Myers-Briggs assessment, I found out…that there was nothing wrong with me! My mother simply had a different preference combination for personality traits than who I really am.
I now give the Myers-Briggs to all of my teen clients, as well as to couples, to show that each individual is a different combination. So someone who is really annoying is not trying to make you angry – they’re just different.
This takes it out of the personal realm from “they’re doing it to me” to just information of “that’s just how they are”.
Lack of understanding, respect or appreciation hinders a relationship.
I recently used the Myers-Briggs assessment in a work environment. One employee scheduled & managed her tasks days in advance. When her co-worker dropped a stack of papers on her desk on his way out, she quickly thought that he expected her to drop everything she was doing and do his tasks first.
It created resentment, hostility & tension in the workplace.
Taking the Myers-Briggs assessment created a huge transformation. She realized that she was assuming that his actions were threatening, where in fact, he was just handing things off in his manner.
By recognizing the way someone is, the Myers-Briggs assessment allows teens to understand parents & their peers, and allows a spouse to understand their partner.
Posted in Parenting, Teens
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